At the end of the day, I’ve made it. The whole day though I repeatedly told myself, “I can’t do this!” Bipolar isn’t just about negative thoughts, it’s not just about wanting to cry or wanting to scream. Your mind seems in overdrive, busy but nothing is necessarily in a thought process. It seems as though your sensitive to sound, to noise. That being said, my 2 year old thought it be funny to scream. The intense squeezing of every muscle as his voice echoed throughout the store but I was on a mission for my medication which ultimately got screwed up! Go figure. So, how did I handle the screaming? Ah, the first thing that came to mind. Blow in his face which he thought was funny and started in with his unforgettable laughter. I could only laugh too and feel the tension lighten. In my mind, it’s laid out how it should go without me being consciously aware of it. If the outcome is not on point, my brain triggers stress like tendencies. That’s bipolar for ya, with serotonin levels out of whack reactions to normal life situations seem unmanageable. I’ve made it and staring at this little body, who is dependent on me, has made all the difference.
Girl Interrupted 