I’ll be alright
Just not tonight, no diamonds upon this crown
No one can help me now
Tears are falling down

Can’t see the rest of my life
Dark and clouded with no sun in sight
Lightning shattering all my dreams
Tonight I’m weak, tomorrow I’ll fight

Gravity wants to bring me down
I’m praying for me
Twice as much is not twice as good
Wanting more is going to send me away from reality

My mind plays tricks on me
Flash backs of all I’ve done what I could have been
Here I go playing with a loaded gun
Here I am again

Staring into the blank space on the wall
I’m not giving in but tonight I give up
How can I withstand on shaky ground?
When my life is always on a button of “interrupt”

I know I’m not a kid anymore
Wondering the streets with the world beneath me
If I fall, how far, how deep?
Tonight my confidence does not stand beyond my disbelief

I can’t hear a word they say
I’m my worst critic and I take the aim
Tonight I’ve fallen
I am wounded just not the same

I will stand tall tomorrow so I hope
New day for better days
Defy my own words
But tonight I lack positive embrace

Tomorrow is the day the world begins again
Tonight I’m just going to stare at the wall
Forget I’m on the up climb
Tonight I scream, I just can’t take it all

Always hanging on the moment of truth
Tonight no regrets, I can’t do it all
I might just lay here
I feel, tonight, the fall.
By: T.R.B.R.S

I know there is a season. I know the snow provides nourishment to the ground for a beautiful spring. I’ve even stopped to admire the snow laying lightly upon trees branches.

Seriously though, bitter cold, ice on the roads, heavy clothing, slippery streets and sidewalks. My seasonal depression kicks in and I’m doing all I can to fight it.

Mental Health comes in various degrees. Lol! Degrees…. it’s 1 degree here in Nebraska and it’s supposed to stay that way for a few days.

I’m lucky to have an area in my home that is filled with sunflowers, tree leaves and lighting like the clear night full of stars. Mental Health is 80% meds and 20% all on the person.  A psychiatrist told me this once and I put in a 100% for the 20% that is my responsibility but I still loathe winter.

Mondays are inevitable. Yes, the day most people dread is here.

It’s a new week to meet goals, a new week to thrive and maintain a new you if you so choose.

It’s all in perspective. It’s all how you choose to look at the day. Did you have things you didn’t accomplish last week? Monday is your second, third and fourth chance to complete it. Did you plan to exercise or achieve another goal? Hello, to this new week to start again.

Greet Monday, welcome Monday and get it done. Have a week off accomplishments not regrets.

Though some days struggling mentally takes an extreme toll and very tiring, life could be so much worse.

I am in a small rural town that has had many pass, not from covid either. Young and old alike and it makes me realize how precious life is to have.

Realizing others leaving this world has made my life that more valuable, saddens me.

Life is not guaranteed and death does not discriminate.

I’m in the basement though not afraid

I sit in the dark with a single light

Lesson learned, the past I can’t change

I could have made a different choice

I took a u-turn on a already traveled road

I failed my conscious, my inner voice

I continued into my despair

I drowned myself in self-pity

I traveled to the dead end without a care

My suffering all to real, heart aching

I couldn’t leave the darkness of my pain

I couldn’t move ahead, my determination breaking

An abrupt halt trying to come up for air

Stranded, bodily injury

I’m in the basement, I put myself here

I sit in the dark with a single light

Though this road is shaded grey

This is my fight

In this basement time is slow

A journey to find myself

All the time to reach my inner sole

Time to love my existence

Only myself to lift my spirits

Standing on the road learning to give myself forgiveness

I made the u-turn to my weakness

Stranded, bodily injury

Some lessons though hard carry the most purpose

Though this road is shaded grey

Each step is forward, I’m getting stronger

When I rise I will know my way

My life will not be taken for granted

Me, myself and I it’s my life

I’m not afraid, I’ve conquered this basement.

T.R.B.R.S

My mouth opens slowly

No words protrude from my mouth

My eyes dont blink

Wide open, feels like I’m in a cloud

The very white of my eyes

Today is a blood shot red

I yawn but I can’t close my eyes

I try not to hold the thought of being dead

You think, “what’s normal?”

I blink as the eye lashes touch my face

I wrinkle my mouth for a smile

They don’t see me, I want out of this place

A mirror image of the so called “truth”

Sunglasses, closed curtains, can’t move

Its dark and outside is bright

I have nothing to prove

I dance and listen to the music

I breath and gasp, “one chance.”

I awake, it’s not me, “who is this?”

I can’t help but feel this is my last

How did this consume me?

I wake up starring and clear my throat

Losing my mind I can’t regain it

I stand looking without hope

Someday the mirror will see me

I feel undeserving, I wish to leave

It never lies, it stares you down

In myself, I don’t believe.

T.R.B.R.S

Your a survivor of today
Don’t fall into negativity
Strength is your mind set
Hold on to your integrity

If at first you don’t succeed
Dust yourself off and try again
One day at a time
Each day is a beginning not an end

Believing in yourself is the strongest will you can carry
Faith will get you out of the abyss
Persevere, you are not a mark of disgrace
Hold on to the good you are your own optimist

Reaching out is not a sign of weakness
Don’t let fear be your wall
It’s a quality in you to thrive
Don’t let your pride be your fall

Keep climbing the steps to reach the top
You can conquer this moment of difficulty
Hold your head high and know you are not a quitter
When you look in the mirror see your own beauty

Always take a deep breath
Be a true seeker, don’t let your insides die
Take in the positive and let go of pain
You will never know if you don’t try

You can beat the world
It’s a story and your the main character
You can go on further than this moment in time
Believe in yourself and write the next chapter.
T.R.B.R.S

First, let me say I love my child with all my heart but having some time for self-care is definitely a struggle with a two-year-old, a cat and a dog. I value this precious time as I watch him grow. Every breath, every step, every laugh and smile. Nurturing every tear and kissing every “boo boo.”

No cable takes away any interaction I have with adults because it’s utilized for screen share with the TV for my child’s education programs. Uggh, I get up at 4am just for some mindfulness before he awakes. That time is basically all I have.

Appreciate the small things in life. “Me” time will come and then I’ll be wishing he needed me more.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”– John 3:16

Growing up the first Scripture verse I remember memorizing is John 3:16. I loved hearing it and repeating it to myself and all who would listen to me recite it.

It not only tells of the very first Christmas present ever given, the gift of Jesus, but also assures me of God’s love, where Jesus came from, and God’s purpose in sending Him.